HO HO HO!

ITS DR. CORNELI – I MEAN SANTA HERE!

YUP, TOTALLY NOT THAT GUY WHO SOLD YOU

THOSE MARKED UP BONER PILLS LAST

WEEK BUT WEARING A FAKE BEARD NOW.

IGNORE ANY OTHER SANTAS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD FROM.

I’M THE REAL SANTA, HERE IN TOWN FOR ONE MONTH ONLY.

COME GET YOUR PICS WITH SANTA

AT THE WEST WING OF ATTIAS

RIGHT OUTSIDE THE LASER TAG PLACE THAT

NEVER SEEMS TO BE OPEN.

JUST DON’T GET TOO CLOSE, I HATE KIDS.

SO IGNORE THE EAST WING, NO SANTAS THERE.

JUST BRING ME YOUR CASH, CARDS, OR,

I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH,

GIFT CERTIFICATES TO PANERA BREAD

AND HOP ON DOWN TO GET YOUR

SEMI-DENOMINATIONAL PICS WITH SANTA, I MEAN ME.

-WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? HOW MANY TIMES 

DO I HAVE TO KICK YOUR HOLLY JOLLY ASS OUT OF THIS MALL,

WHIPPERSNAPPER?

OH SHIT! GOTTA GO! DON’T FORGET –

WEST WING, LAZER TAG, BRING ME YOUR PANERA GIFT CARDS

– HO HO FUCK!