COME ONE, COME ALL!

STEP RIGHT UP TO TRY DR. CORNELIUS

FLUMPKIN, PHD’S GEN-U-INE, BONAFIDE CURE-ALL

SNAKE OIL!

I’VE COME UP WITH THIS MAGICAL ELIXIR

MADE FROM ONLY THE GREASIEST SNAKES!

CURES ANYTHING FROM MILD-TO-SEVERE

RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS TO MALE PATTERN BALDNESS!

LISTEN UP FOLKS, WITH COVID-19 OUT THERE

ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE

IT HITS YOUR SMALL TOWN OF

[insert name here]

YOU! KID WITH THE BACKWARDS BASEBALL CAP!

YOU GOT ANY PROBLEMS?

 

uh I just came here for the lazer tag

 

SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED A BETTER ATTITUDE!

THIS’LL FIX YOU RIGHT UP

YOU! SWEATY GUY – I KNOW YOU GOT SOME PROBLEMS!

 

I just need someone to buy something from Radio Shack

 

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT BUDDY,

BUT HEY, THIS CAN MAKE YA LESS SWEATY!

YOU! CREEPY EASTERN EUROPEAN DUDE WITH THE

RADIO EQUIPMENT – YOU WANNA BUY SOME CRAP?

 

OK, NOT TALKING TO THAT GUY -

AS YOU CAN NOW CLEARLY SEE, THIS LITTLE BOTTLE

HAS ANYTHING YOU NEED.

I’LL BE HERE IS THIS SHITHOLE,

I MEAN SHOPPING CENTER ALL WEEK SELLING

THIS PATENTED PANACEA.

I ACCEPT ALL CARDS AND CASH AS WELL

AS GIFT CERTIFICATES TO PANERA BREAD.

THAT’S DR. CORNELIUS FLUMPKIN PHD’S PATENTED SNAKE OIL!